albionspeak: a draught of language (9.3)
SESSION 51: 1ST NIGHT, 7/1/98
[Scribe] had been visiting with C.L. for a while, and “the exchange” was handled at an Indian restaurant not far from the Seattle opera house. ([My wife], Deirdre, & I were nearly forty minutes late for our reservations, thanks to traffic, miscalculations, and England vs. Argentina [World Cup soccer], which went to penalty kicks. Few things in the world distress me as much as tardiness.) After dinner we said good-bye to C.L. to see the Seattle Symphony in its final performance at this venue—Beethoven’s Ninth. A year earlier Rich T. and I had seen the symphony perform this monolith, and it had been a peak experience for both of us. Now with box seats (on opposite sides of the hall) and joined by our closest family (including H.T.), we lacked only the whiff of [marijuana] which had propelled us a year before. Though it was a great experience (especially the scherzo), I really could have used the dope. To come home, [Scribe] and I returned to [my home city] with Rich (my truck had been left at his house), while [my wife] and Deirdre went to [my parents’] for the night to get Rhiannon. Needless to say, we got to my house late and tired. There was no point in having a session.
I mention all of this in part to document some of the complexity of the mundane world. It is possible that a reader of the distant future (Jane at least) might get the impression that [Scribe] and I exist independent of time. We do; but to get to that place, to that sacred grotto of sacred space, we often have to jump through a number of hoops. I wonder if such hoops in essence serve the same function as ritual. That is, in planning the intricacies of this one event I had definitely spent some time & energy on summoning intent. When is this effort helpful, and when is it a distraction?
The next morning [Scribe] and I awoke to an empty house. I got up first, and I decided to show [Scribe] the progress I’d made on the task he’d assigned me: to arrange his Pangaea poems in a sequence different from that in which they’d been written. That is, [Scribe] always identified his poems according to two major criteria: locale (and thus culture) and its number of cantos [from 2 to 6, which determined their written order]; and not wishing to group poems by continent or along other content lines, he wanted a purely mathematical arrangement by canto number [following a few strict rules, like “no consecutive poems of the same canto number”]. But, surprisingly, no solution was obvious. I’d had two or three weeks to come up with an answer; but even as [Scribe] slept, I didn’t know how close I was. I thought I had some good ideas only, certainly not a done-deal. I did know, however, that with 37 poems total [to finish off his Nine Men sequence] no subdivided linear arrangement was possible (37 being prime). Therefore I created a two-dimensional matrix from [Scribe]’s linear sequence, and, as if by magic, numerous symmetries arose. Once the patterns emerged, [Scribe] began inserting his poems into the various slots; and very quickly his book was all but arranged. While this process was fun and obviously necessary to the final product, for me, the true significance of this task came from seeing where the missing pieces were. That is, it was nice to see the finished poems in their proper places; but because [Scribe] now knows the locations of his eight remaining poems (and their respective lengths), he must alter his writing process to accommodate the overall context. His next 2-part poem, for example, will end the book; and he has yet to write the book’s third poem. This knowledge has a major impact on how he must write (and it seemed to be just the right time in the project to see this). I have no memory of how the rest of the day was spent. I know we shopped for food and ate well.
Our invocation: Keats’s “On First Looking Into Chapman’s Homer.”
Jane
10:23 PM
1. Question: [Dear Guide], are you there?
Answer: I FLY ABOVE…
2. Q: Above?
A: ABOVE [THE] LAKE & JANE
The Lake: our home port; within the sacred grotto under a rooftop of stars
reflected in the lake.
A Serious Face
3. Q: Hello, Jane.
A: I AM WEARING A SERIOUS FACE
I AM YOUR TEACHER
Last year Jane had a more serious face and was the bearer of most of my
brunt news. She was then still, however, not a teacher.
4. Q: Are we to continue then in our (new) mode of seriousness?
A: I AM PLEASED THAT YOU DESERVE IT
5. Q: Is your “teacher’s face” different from your “flyer’s face”?
A: — illegible —
6. Q: —Repeat Q#5
A: FACES DIFFER MOMENT TO MOMENT
7. Q: Have you a topic for the evening?
A: I DO
IT IS A MOMENT OF REACQUAINTANCE & ACKNOWLEDGMENT
8. Q: With what or whom must we reacquaint ourselves?
A: FIRST [THE] EXERCISE IN STILLNESS
Our long-standing tradition of a visualization exercise before we attend to
the lesson at hand.
9. Q: What do we see?
A: OUR…
At this point our board literally drops from its taped position under the
table. We take a moment to re-tape.
10. Q: Sorry, Jane. What do we see?
A: OUR MAIN KARASS EMBLEM [THE] FLOWER
Seeing the Flower
11. Q: Instructions?
A: CHOOSE [THE] PICTURE MADE BY YOURSELVES IN [THE]
CORNER [FLOWER]
The planchette moved to the lower left corner and clearly indicated the
highly stylized thorny rose drawn in gold ink. (I had borrowed [Scribe]’s quick
sketch on our earlier board and stylized it further.) While the cup drawing in the
lower right had been indicated by the planchette on occasion, I believe this was the
first use of the flower symbol (which likewise was never intended for
communication).
12. Q: Should we visualize our picture?
A: [YES] BUT DO IT WITH CLOSED EYES
13. Q: And then?
A: AS IT EMERGES [THE] TRIPOD STIRS
While [Scribe] commented that he found the exercise easy, as with most
visualizations I had a difficult time. I was able in a sense to scroll the image slowly
from top to bottom; but by the time I reached the bottom I had already lost the
flower’s upper half. I traced it several times before the planchette began to creep.
10:46 PM
Symmetry
14. Q: We are beginning now.
A: SYMMETRY (slowly)
While the word “symmetry” surprised me—our prior pronouncements had
never come in the form of single-word topics—we had clearly been thinking a great
deal on the subject: As mentioned in the session’s introduction, this day marked a
milestone for both [Scribe] in me as we arrived at a poem-by-poem schema for his
Pangaea book. Furthermore, in the forefront of my mind was my spiral golden-
mean mandala I had just finished, a perfect example of symmetry. Until I’d gotten
“permission,” however, to show this drawing, [Scribe] had yet to see it.
15. Q: It does seem to be the theme for today.
A: CONSIDER ITS MEANINGS FOR US — IN MY…
16. IN MYTHS OF TIME &
SPACE
WE CANNOT DO WITHOUT
17. Q: Please go on.
A: IN MAAT NOT ONLY MEASURE BUT A MOVING BALANCE —
IN [THE] MEANINGS OF THOTH THE SCRIBE
We determined Jane was addressing each of our specialized concerns in
turn.
[Thoth & Ma’at are routinely paired in the later Egyptian pantheon.]
18. Q: You are reacquainting us with some of our earliest board motifs.
A: ONLY NOW YOU ARE READY TO DO SOMETHING WITH [THE]M
[Scribe] pointed out the double meaning implied by that slippery word
“only.”
19. Q: Please go on.
A: ALL IS TO BE DISCUSSED IN MORE DETAIL WITH YOUR OWN
MASTERS — [in the next nights’ sessions, this being first]
I LAY [THE] FOUNDATION
20 Q: Tell us what you can.
A: IT CONCERNS YOUR POSITIONS IN RELATION TO OUR LAST
MEETING
[The previous year, recall, placed me on “the threshold of sheer darkness.”]
Progress Reports
21. Q: A progress report?
A: IN EFFECT — A MAAT REPORT
22. Q: How do we proceed?
A: COOPERATIVELY
I AM HERE TO DISCUSS YOUR AIMS WITH YOU
23. Q: Please go on.
A: FIRST ALBION
[THE]N SCRIBE
Albion’s Fear
24. Q: O.K.
A: I NEED ALBION’S ASSESSMENT OF PROGRESS SINCE OUR
LAST /
I ASK QUESTIONS YOU COMPOSE VERY…
25. …SHORT RESPONSES
I do tend to ramble on.
26. Q: Please begin.
A: WHERE ARE YOU IN RELATION TO [THE] ABYSS??
27. Q ([Albion]): Jane, I believe I’m crawling upward—or, in Don’s language, one
step further from it than last year.
A: [YES] ONE STEP & ONE ONLY
DON KNEW [THE] APT IMAGE FOR YOU
I knew things were much better in the mundane world, but I had also made
little progress in my karass (k.) work: dreaming, writing, seeing [trees], intuiting.
28. Q ([Albion]): I feel more connected now: to my family, to music, perhaps to
myself; but I still see no progress in the [karass] realm.
A: NAME [THE] GREATEST OBSTACLE OR FOE TO YOUR ADVANCE
29. Q ([Albion]): Myself, certainly; but I can’t quite figure out whether I’m scared,
blind, or just immature. I’m not sure what I believe.
A: FEAR IS YOUR FOE
Last year Jane identified herself as the expert on fear. This came up in
connection with my being on the verge of the abyss. Fear was useful then if it could
propel me out of danger. But Jane also was clear in saying that fear is only a
temporary medicine, not a good long-term policy.
30. Q ([Albion]): Fear is medicine, but I’ve become an addict?
A: NOT AT ALL —
YOU SIMPLY DO NOT FEEL FEAR AS FEAR
31. Q ([Albion]): I am poor at feeling my own feelings. What can you prescribe?
A: LEARN THIS NOW
WHAT YOU CALL FATIGUE AND ILLNESS AND WANT OF TIME OR
EVEN AS DESIRE…
32. …IS A MEANS OF FEELING FEAR
33. Q ([Albion]): A dumb but honest question, Jane: What am I afraid of?
A: BECOMING SOMETHING YOU MAY NOT NOW RECOGNIZE
34. Q ([Albion]): How does one recognize fear in the disguised forms you just listed?
How is fear-caused fatigue different from real fatigue?
A: [THE] CRICKET IS SPEAKING NOW —
I AM ADDRESSING [THE] SERPENT
Jane’s newest face had echt authority.
35. Q ([Albion]): How can I (the cricket) help the serpent to hear your words?
A: I CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU LISTEN
I ONLY SAY HEAR [THE] TRUTH OF WHAT I’VE SAID OR GO…
36. …RIGHT BACK TO WHAT WE MAY CALL HELL
At the time I did not catch the word “back.” Was this my recent hell or a
deeper metaphysical one? Notice also how the break in the message conveyed a
greater suspense for me, who saw it arrive in two segments.
11:35 PM
(Scribe) Whom Do You Value Most?
37. Q ([Albion]): Thank you, Jane. The Scribe’s turn now.
A: I ONLY TELL YOU WHAT YOU ARE NOW IN A POSITION TO
UNDERSTAND — THAT IS PROGRESS
38. Q ([Scribe]): I’m ready for your first question, Jane.
A: HOW FAR ARE YOU FROM WHERE YOU WERE WHEN WE
PARTED?
[Scribe] counted the number of poems he’d written since our last meeting.
39. Q ([Scribe]): 14.5 steps (4 + 9 + 1.5).
A: FLIGHT IS NOW WITHIN YOUR GRASP
40. Q ([Scribe]): Next question?
A: WHAT LIES BETWEEN NOW & [THE]N?
41. Q ([Scribe]): The tiger. [one’s own power who must die in Sumatra]
A: NAME [THE] FACES ALREADY SEEN
42. Q ([Scribe]): Depression. Anxiety. Self-hatred.
A: ANOTHER FACE REMAINS — GO FORWARD
43. Q ([Scribe]): Since you do not name the face, I assume I am to discover it myself.
A: YOU SHALL [YES]
I AM ONLY [THE] MESSENGER
As mentioned in the intro, the Fall of ’97 was a difficult stretch for [Scribe].
Interestingly, if I wished to document his Kampf more thoroughly, I could say
when, where, and with whom this struggle took place; I could say that his poetry
production did not suffer; but I couldn’t begin to comment on the content of his
battle. That is, I cannot conceive of his tiger’s faces (the words above are merely
words to me), so I receive little vicarious benefit from this episode—meaning, I am
doomed (if I’m successful in the interim) to face my own tiger naked and alone.
44. Q ([Scribe]): Is there another question?
A: WHOM DO YOU VALUE MOST?
DO NOT RESPOND NOW — ONLY BEAR IN MIND THIS QUESTION
A profoundly deep koan.
45. Q ([Scribe]): Does this end my progress report?
A: FOR [THE] MOMENT [YES]
NOW SYMMETRY
Two Experiences of Symmetry
46. Q: Please go on.
A: EACH GIVE HIS HIGHEST EXPERIENCE OF SYMMETRY THIS
YEAR — IN TURN PLEA[se]
47. Q ([Scribe]): My highest experience in symmetry came this morning on first
seeing the pattern [Albion] designed for me. [I was stunned to hear this.]
A: THESE ARE [THE] THREADS OF INTENT WOVEN INTO ONE
STRONG FIBER
I assumed Jane was referring to the threads of our collaborative effort. Prior
to coming to [Washington], [Scribe] had had a third vision of Albion, one similar to
his first. He described a gigantic sail behind and above him. I believe (but I’m not
sure) the sail was green and full. (I intuit further that the sail was luffing; but in
describing [Scribe]’s vision here I realize both how little he’s told me and how
much I’ve imagined on my own.) Because the two prior visions of Albion had been
precursors to other collaborations, we had already wondered aloud what this most
recent one could signify. Could it be the [poetry] matrix?
48. Q ([Albion]): Thus [Scribe]’s recent vision of Albion?
A: ALBION [THE] UNIFIER
Though a new epithet to us, Unifier fit everything we already knew about
Albion.
49. Q ([Albion]): Today’s work with [Scribe] was also important for me, Jane; but a
stranger moment was when I first conceived of my spiral.
A: OVERVIEW APPEARING AS AN ABRUPT INTIMATION?
50. Q ([Albion]): The idea seemed without antecedent. Once conceived, it was
compelling and fun.
A: THIS IS DIRECT SEEING & I CONFIRM A MOMENT OF FLYING
51. Q ([Albion]): Without straying from the topic, can I show [Scribe] my finished
drawing?
A: YOU MAY SHOW ANYTHING THAT IS FINISHED COMPLETE OR
CLOSED
SYMMETRY IS…
52. …OUR GIFT TO [THE] WORLD
As mentioned in the intro [not shown], my biggest task in the last year had
been to complete a single drawing. Complete though it was, I had yet to show it to
[Scribe], since Don had earlier suggested I not show anything to [Scribe] until I’d
finished at least the first Nine Men.
We take a moment to look at my drawing, still without a single title. To this
day I am looking for a name. All of the following describe it; none satisfies me:
Symmetry, Immersion, Magnetic Attractor, The Jewel, The Golden Mean, Φ, or
even [(-1 + √5) / 2 or (-1 - √5) / 2].
12:33 AM
A Clue to Membership
53. Q: We hypothesize: Symmetry is not simply a facet of ma’at. It is something
more central.
A: IT IS — INDEED IT IS A CLUE TO [THE] MEMBERSHIP IN OUR NET
54. Q: Can you tell us more?
A: I CAN TELL YOU ONE MORE THING
55. Q: Please do.
A: ONLY THOSE WHO RESPOND DEEPLY TO THIS ARE OUR
MEMBERS
56. Q ([Scribe]): This is a necessary but not a sufficient condition for membership?
A: REMEMBER OUR NET IS SMALL
I MERELY GIVE ONE FEATURE FOR RECOGNIZING OTHER[s]
So there are other common features, and other devotees of symmetry; but
all of us in the Jewel Net do share this one attraction.
57. Q: What else do we need to know [about symmetry]?
A: ONLY TO KEEP IT BEFORE YOU IN [THE] NIGHTS TO COME
58. Q: Rich T., C. & M. are coming tomorrow night. Would you advise a meeting?
A: I DO NOT [NO]
59. Q: Parting words?
A: DARE TO FRAME SYMMETRY
& DO NOT BE FEARFUL
LOVE FROM YOUR…
A great response. Jane modifies Blake’s “Tyger Tyger” to her purposes.
Here’s Blake’s final stanza, which echoes (but not exactly) the first:
Tyger, Tyger, burning bright,
In the forests of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
Jane also plays with us by not signing her name. Recall, when we first met
Jane, she showed us a child’s face and inserted her name everywhere.
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