albionspeak: a draught of language (6.2)

SESSION 38: 5TH NIGHT, 8/8/96 (New York)

            Among other adventures not recorded (including, I think, a morning walk through the sanctuary section across the main road) [Scribe] & I did definitely take a long walk along the road and discussed Jane’s riddle. I don’t think we spent more than half an hour on the subject, but we were quite productive, as the reader will soon see.
            The evening’s invocations reflected our collaborative insights on Jane’s riddle: [Scribe] wanted to read a specific poem Shelley wrote to his Jane, but couldn’t locate a text; so he chose to settle instead on another Shelley-to-Jane poem, “Lines Written in the Bay of Lerici.”

                                   And thus, although she absent were,
                               Memory gave me all of her

           We also read [Scribe]’s own Cherubic Hymn “To the Moon,” after an insight I’d received a month or two earlier.

12:05 AM
  1.      Question: [Dear Guide], are you there?
           Answer: I  AM
                       DO [NO]T FORGET TO BECOME STILL

                       To my surprise I found my self quite able to visualize the Grotto, and in my

           visual image I found myself immersed under the water, much as [Scribe] has

           described in the past. This is not Albion’s high place, but it seemed to work.

  2.      Q:        Where are we now?
           A:        IT IS STILL [THE] LAKE   & WE PREPARE FOR A FRESH PORT
                       IT IS JANE’S OF COURSE

A Full Moon

  3.      Q:        Instructions?
           A:        PICTURE A FULL MOON
                       [THE]N AS YOU SEE IT   JANE BEGINS A LESSON

                       A very quick journey.

   Jane’s Port

  4.      A:        ALIAH HAIL
                       I  AM SITTING IN [THE] DARK GRASS ON A HILL  & LOOKING UP
                                   WITH YOU  AT [THE] MOON 
                       TELL ME WHAT IT IS?

                       Jumping right into the lesson by way of our riddle. To recap: We knew about

           our Mayan pyramid and el Oceano Indio; now it was time for a lunar eclipse. We

           were not only ready with answers, we had a prescribed agenda for our response.

Lunar Attention: A Paradox

  5.      Q:        A metaphor: Daylight is to ordinary attention as moonlight is to the second
                       attention.
           A:        IS [THE] MOON SOMETHING YOU SEE OR SOMETHING YOU SEE 
                                   BY?

                       [The first & second attentions are terms supplied by Carlos Castaneda from

           his teacher Don Juan. The first is normal attention, but the second, which is hard to

           achieve, requires a “shift” of mind, which names simply that altered state we call

           flight.]

  6.      Q:        Both. The same however is not true of the sun. We cannot see the sun.
                       (Orally I add that we are also unable to see by the Earth.)
           A:        LUNAR ATTENTION IS REFLECTIVE—
                       A DELIBERATE ATTAINMENT & A TASK?

                       This seemed important, and we needed clarification.

  7.      Q:        A paraphrase: First attention is not—does not need to be—reflective in
                       the same way that the second (lunar) attention must be.
           A:        [YES]   IT IS A QUESTION OF LEARNING TO SEE BY THIS OTHER
                                   LIGHT

                       This is certainly not how I have come to view my own experiences of the

           second attention, especially in soccer or poetic outbursts. Great games, for example,

           never involve reflection, at least in terms of self-awareness. I am totally immersed

           in—even a part of—the game. I never know what I’m doing until after the moment

           has passed.

  8.      Q ([Albion]): But for me, the opposite seems to be true.
           A:        OH NO A PARADOX –

                       We chuckled. It seems no one in our circle can resist a good paradox.

  9.      Q:        Our experience: deliberate, discursive reflection is an obstacle to lunar
                       attention.
           A:        SO TELL ME WHY LUNAR ATTENTION IS RARE?

10.      Q:        Because it is hard to “disintend” obstacles to lunar attention.
           A:        DO YOU MEAN YOU MUST MAKE A DELIBERATE EFFORT?

11.      Q:        Yes.
           A:        YOU PERCEIVE [THE] DIFF…
12.                                                                   …ICULTY HERE?

                       Jane’s “reflection” is not self-awareness, but does involve intent.

13.      Q:        Help us understand the difficulty.
           A:        I  INSIST THAT LUNAR ATTENTION IS REFLECTIVE
                       YET ONE CANNOT REACH IT BY REFLECTING
                       MOREOVER…
14.                                        …IF YOU CATCH YOURSELF REFLECTING [THE]
                                   MOON  DISAPPEARS

15.      Q:        A parenthesis: What word would replace “disintend”?
           A:        I  SAY—INTEND TOWARD THIS…
16.                                                                           …AND INTEND AWAY FROM THAT

                       I had suggested the awkward verb for Q#10; and though [Scribe] had found

           it distasteful, we were unable to come up with a better word. I remember [Scribe]

           suggesting “avoid,” but I wanted to show a proactive, rather than a reactive response

           to lures and obstacles. Jane’s solution here is so obviously superior, as his her

           preference for “lunar” over “second” attention.
                       [Scribe] decided to get to the riddle.

Eclipse

17.      Q ([Scribe]): A suggestion: “If you catch yourself reflecting, the moon is
                       eclipsed.”
           A:        YOUR OWN SHADOW COVERS IT
                       TELL ME WHAT [THE] SHADOW IS NOW –

1:30 AM
18.      Q:        Most simply, the shadow is yourself obstructing the sun.
           A:        AND ALIAH    WHERE IS THAT IN THE PICTURE?

19.      Q:        The light of the sun?
           A:        IT…
20.                      …IS MOONLIGHT 
                       YOU CAN LIVE IN [THE] DAYLIGHT ALL YOUR LIFE & NEVER

                                   KNOW ALIAH

21.      Q:        Alas. However what you say suggests that the eclipse is something
                       experienced by persons trying to live by aliah’s light.
           A:        INDEED IT IS OUR MOST COMMON ILL

                       So it seems uncommon people suffer from uncommon illnesses. Most people

           can never experience an eclipse because they’re entirely unaware of moonlight.

           Now it was time for my insight, which came shortly after I received [Scribe]’s

           Cherubic Hymns in the mail. “To the Sun” and “To Earth” obviously correspond to

           me and [Scribe] respectively; immediately upon reading these, however, I knew “To

           the Water-Bearer” and “To the Fire-Bringer” correspond to [Scribe] and me as well.

           The former is an emblem of [Scribe]’s Aquarian J.-task, whereas I clearly fancy

           myself a modern-age Prometheus—one whose life’s goal is to bring the fire of aliah

           to mankind. Shortly after telling [Scribe] of this, I wondered about the other hymns,

           “To the Moon” and “To Air.”  For very little reason I could justify, I felt strongly

           that Jane fit these poems, certainly the first one. When I told [Scribe] over the

           phone, he was doubtful. After Jane’s riddle had been proposed, however, he was

           open to the possibility.

22.      Q:        Another reading. Albion is the sun. The Scribe is the Earth. Are you the
                       moon?
           A:        GIVE ME YOUR REASONS FOR SAYING SO –

“I am the moon”

23.      Q:        The moon wears many faces. An eclipse is an absent moon. You instruct
                       us in absence.
           A:        I  AM [THE] MOON IN OUR NARROW BAND

                       I felt like I’d hit a home run—blind intuition vindicated. We decided it was

           time to find out about all three of us in our “narrow band” (of colour in Vilansit’s

           Triangle), the three with the least access to the Jewel, who now were represented by

           a kind of astral trinity.

Fearing the Sun

24.      Q:        Why is Albion represented by the sun?
           A:        WHY DID YOU DRAW A SUN ON YOUR MANDALA?
                       GIVE YOUR BEST ANSWER

                       I really had no idea—and I had already done a lot of thinking on the subject.

           In fact, I discuss it at some length in my Letter to Vilansit, “Mandala.”

25.      Q ([Albion]): I only know that I wanted to draw a solar system: planets (& a
                       moon?) before their sun.
           A:        FINE –
                       AND WHAT MADE YOU SEE THAT [THE] SUN IS YOUR ROLE?

26.      Q ([Albion]): Many things, Jane, [most of them censored here], and finally my
                       “automatic writing” session with Albion.
           A:        INDEED — BUT  I  AM ASKING A DIFFERENT QUESTION 

                       NOT AS A TEACHER   BUT AS YOUR CURIOUS FRIEND –
                       WHAT IN YOU IS SUN-LIKE?
                       EXAMPLE?

                       I was becoming very uncomfortable here. I didn’t (and don’t) like seeing

           myself in these terms… It scares me like a delusion. Germany was enough of a

           delusion for me to send lasting shock waves through my soul. Now here was some

           prodding by Jane.
                       For the reader who may not know me well: Yes, I was very uncomfortable;

           and yes, every one of the next several responses pained me in a deep way.

           Nevertheless, I loved every second of it. Few experiences in my generally flat

           emotional life can generate as much energy.

27.      Q ([Albion]): I think [Scribe]’s word “exultant” is at least part of it, but to identify
                       too strongly with the exultant … sun scares me.
           A:        YOU ARE SAYING THAT YOU FEAR [THE] ALBION AT [THE]

                                   HEAD OF YOUR KITE?

28.      Q ([Albion]): He seems so far away. I fear deluding myself.
           A:        AND RIGHTLY —
                       WE DO NOT WISH TO BE DELUDED   BUT TO SERVE [THE] IDEAL

                                   WE WERE MADE FOR

29.      Q ([Albion]): I both need to look at that summit, but fear that if I do I’ll fall. [This
                       is a clear reference to my ascending the Pyramid of the Magician at Uxmal

                       which grounded our lesson just a few nights before.]
           A:        FEAR SEEMS A KEY HERE
                       WE HAVE SO RARELY SPOKEN OF IT  & YET SURELY IT IS
                                   SOMETHING  I  MUST GO THROUGH AS WELL /
                       IF I  LEARN OF SOMETHING HIGHER THAN WHAT I AM    I TOO

                                    WILL FEAR —
                       TELL ME TRULY…
30.                                                 …WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO ME IN TIME  IF I

                                    WAS AFRAID IN JUST THIS WAY?
                       HOW WOULD YOU STRENGTHEN ME?
                       OR WOULD YOU FORBEAR TO GIVE ME AID B…
31.                                                                                                      BECAUSE AFTER

                                    ALL  I  COULD BE RIGHT TO BE AFRAID?

32.      Q ([Albion]): I would hope to empathize and serve you as an example of one
                       who had overcome this fear. I would say, “I know. But it’s worth going
                       through.”
           A:        YOU MIGHT ALSO SAY –
                       THIS FEAR IS LIKE A SHADOW THAT COVERS AND PUTS OUT

                                    [THE]  LIGHT OF ALIAH*
                       I  LIVED THROUGH SUCH AN ECLIPSE –

                      Thank you, Jane.
                      We decided to ask after some words or phrases which could help us pin down

           who we are and why we are represented by these celestial bodies.

Words for the Moon, Earth & Sun

33.      Q:        If the sun is exultant, what is the moon?
           A:        PATIENT  YET CHANGEABLE
                       APPARENTLY LIFELESS   YET A SOURCE OF LIGH[t]…
34.                                                                                                                 …AND LIFE –
                                   REMOTE AND ABLE TO PULL FROM AFAR

                       We were amused by Jane’s self-characterization as “apparently lifeless.”

35.      Q:        Will you give us some words for the Earth?
           A:        SHADOWY     ALTERNATELY BARE & GREEN  & RULED BY AN
                                   OCEAN [THE] LAND DOES [NO]T COMPREHEND

                       The bare (absent) places make room for new life to grow.

36.      Q:        Will you give us some words for the sun?  We know these: burning  

                       impatient, exultant.
           A:        DIRECT   UPRIGHT
                       MELANCHOLY WHEN IT FAILS TO REACH RIGHT INTO [THE]

                                   DEPTHS

                       We’d already heard how Albion’s sun reached to the depths of Anand’s

           ocean and how it provided comfort to Josef in [his life]. Presumably it does not,

           however, always reach to the lower Albion.

How the Three of Us are Connected

37.      Q:        Tell us about how the three of us are connected.
           A:        TWO ANSWERS

38.      Q:        Tell us the first.
           A:        OUTSIDE TIME WE ARE SIMPLY MEMBERS OF THAT SOLAR
                                    SYSTEM     WHO MOVE AS DANTE SAID

                       [Scribe] instantly quoted the last line of Paradiso from two different sources.

39.       Q:        “The love that moves the sun and the other stars.”
            A:        [YES]   BUT IN TIME WE RESEMBLE EACH OTHER FAR MORE

                                    THAN WE  DO OUR TEACHERS    
                        EXAMPLE?
40.                   THEY SUFFERED MORE   BUT A FLYER IS [NO]T IN [THE] SAME

                                    WAY  AFRAID & ALONE    EVEN IF HE KNOWS NOTHING

                                    EXPLICIT

                        This makes good intuitive sense to me. I know when I am connected to my

            inspirational source nothing can detract me or get me down. It is also true that while

            [Scribe] and I have suffered psychological pain, we certainly have led charmed

            lives by any objective reckoning.…
                        We took a long break, having almost another meal.

3:25 AM

Ma’at & Moonlight

41.       Q:        Please continue with your lesson.
            A:        MA’AT & MOONLIGHT

                        Jane announces part two of her lesson.

42.                   RECALL OUR PARADOX
                        IF YOU DO NOT WISH FOR [THE] LUNAR ATTENTION  YOU

                                    WILL MISS IT
                        & IF YOU DO SEEK IT OUT   YOU MISS IT

43.                   [THE] WAY OUT IS [THE] ART OF MA’AT
                        IT MEANS LOOKING WITHOUT LOOKING

44.      Q:         This is not what we had thought of as ma’at.
           A:         IT IS—
                        MA’AT   MEASURE   MOON   GO  TOGETHER
                        DOES MA’AT NOT BALANCE EFFORT WITH EFFORTLESSNESS?

                        Recall these words (along with “math”) are all etymologically related [along

           with also “month,” “mete,” “meter,” and “menses.”  Originally ma’at just meant

           “ostrich feather” before being personified & elevated to the pantheon as a goddess.

           Even so, ma’at remained central to Egypt’s central image, the weighing of the heart

           against the feather.]
                        I could see where Jane was going, and I was a bit surprised. As an aspiring

           master of ma’at myself, I feel still quite incompetent at this particular art.

45.      Q:         And ma’at is always at one level reflective.
           A:         EXACTLY SO –
                        IT IS [THE] FRUIT OF REFLECTION AND AS AN ACTIVITY IMPLIES
                                   DISCERNMENT

                        Though a very short session, we’d gotten a late start (no napping) and were

           quite fatigued, especially after the strain (at least for me) of our “fearing the sun”

           section. We decided to start wrapping it up: i.e., acknowledge all present, ask for a

           poem, parting words. I’m sure Jane knew how tired we were and decided to show us

           mercy.

46.      Q:         Who is with us?
           A:         IT IS JUST [THE] TWO OF YOU  & I  AND OF COURSE   IN THE

                                    DARK GRASS   THAT SLOWLY GLIMMERING  BUTTERFLY

                        LOVE,  JANE


                        How does something glimmer “slowly”?  I don’t know, but Jane seems to

           echo [Scribe]’s “slow-glistening” in his poem Terra Pluvia.

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