​​​albionspeak 2: the gates of dis (13.5)

SESSION 74:  8TH NIGHT, 8/5/01                         

            “Mishaps and all.”  Don’s prophetic words during the introductory night could not prepare us for this day’s events.  The day began smoothly.  [Scribe] and I arose on time—although I’d had my once-a-year insomnia—and drove without incident to the airport.  There we breezed past the awful line of passengers needing to check their bags and proceeded to the gate.  [Scribe] got in a very short line, while I caught up on the Mariners’ games I’d missed with the sports page (in this MLB record-breaking 2001 season [of 116 wins]).
            Soon I noted [
Scribe]’s line wasn’t moving.  After a while, I decided [Scribe]’s small line might take longer than the melee at the main desk.  Finally [Scribe] motioned me to the desk.  His flight had been canceled!  An accident on the tarmac had rendered his craft out-of-service.  As it was Sunday, there were simply fewer flights for a last-minute booking; and [Scribe] was stuck, booking a flight fully thirty hours later than expected.  Driving home, we stopped—as I’d planned—at my brother’s, whereupon he showed us the highlight of Federal

Way, Hylebos Park, after which we slowly made our way home.  I had business to attend to, registration for the next week’s WEALA (union leadership training).  But I happily forewent the evening’s social hour there. 
            What follows, therefore, is a bonus session, a complete surprise.  It is important to note, however, that this seemed no surprise to our friends.  Although we’d said our farewells the night before, we’d missed the unfinished business covered herein.  We were set up—not in any devious manner, mind you—it’s just that our curriculum required this special lesson, and we never saw it coming. Of further interest is that once we realized we’d benefit from another night with friends, we looked forward to a more casual evening:  no strict agenda, no series of steps requiring careful examination.  We thought we might chit-chat.  
            But no.  An important & valuable & essential lesson, what follows is anything but chit-chat.


            Our invocation:  Milton’s “On His Blindness” recited from memory by [
Scribe].

  1.       Q:          [Guide], are you there?
            A:          
[YES]    [THE] LAKE REFLECTS ME STILL -
                          AN E FOR U?
                          SEE DON & I  AS POINTS IN [THE] DARK   & LET US

                                      BE CLEAR

                                      I use bold font for “I” here now, but at the time we were unsure of

                          what [Guide] was saying.  Trusting his good grammar, we nonetheless   

                          tested our assumption.

  2.       Q:          Should we see Don & the daimon—or [YES]  and I (its symbol)?
            A:         
 [YES] & I
                          – DON §

  3.       Q:          Don, I is not one of the constellation of eight.  How should we picture it?
            A:          
AS A METEOR DROPPING INTO DARK     A BLIND I    [YES]   
                                      BEGIN

                                      “A blind I.”  From the outset I had a sinking feeling.  We tried

                          initially, however, to put on our best faces.  I recall a bit of a “Who’s on

                          First?”  routine:  “Who is I?”  “I am U.”  “I could have been U,” etc.


Who is I?

  4.       Q:          We will try.
            A:  
       DON – I  IS A TEAR IN OUR NET    A TEARDROP

  5.       Q:          We did not expect to have this time together, Don.  Is it time to learn

                          about I?
            A:         
 IF YOU WISH      ONLY RECALL THAT YOU PLACED I’S SYMBOL

                                       ON  [THE]  BOARD AS A REMINDER TO YOURSELVES

                                       IN TIME

  6.       Q:          We can’t recall that, as you know.  But we have grasped that our board is

                          an attic.
            A:          
BETWEEN U & E YOU PLACED A GAP TO STAND FOR A FRIEND

                                      LOST FROM [THE] K    [YES]   

                                      Not all of us make it, we know.  Years ago we learned how one of   

                          our Jewel’s daimones turned to dark magic (to counter a foe) and thus was

                          lost to us.  At the time his story was data only; we were regrettably unable

                          to appreciate his personal absence.  Now, however, we were to learn of

                          someone most dear to us, someone we put literally between us, someone 

                          who, again, we’d placed as the single most prominent letter on the board. 

                          I was already unhappy about this, but we were ready.

  7.       Q:          Josef told us, many sessions ago, that at least one member “didn’t make it”.
            A:         
 HOW UNREAL IT MUST HAVE SEEMED –
                          AFTER ALL HOW CAN ONE MISSS WHAT ONE HAS [NO]T KNOWN?

                                                                                                                           [sic]

  8.       Q:          Is this the same [daimon] as the one in Josef’s story?
            A:          
[NO]   ONLY A PERSON IN [THE] K   WHO MIGHT HAVE COME

                                      TO [THE] BOARD TO SPEAK   BUT WHO TURNED AWAY

                                      FROM [THE] [CUP] & [FLOWER]

   9.       Q:         In [
Albion]’s story (of vowels) of the other night:  I = descent from idea

                          to material.
             A:         
DESCENT OR FALL?

                                      “Fall” was a word we used earlier, but not as in “fall from grace.”

10.       Q:          Surely, Don, there are appropriate and necessary descents.
            A:          
DOES IT ONLY DEPEND ON [THE] SPEED OF [THE] FLYER  

                          OR IS HIS INTENT ALSO INVOLVED?
                          DOES IT DEPEND ON HIS AIM OR HIS ABILITY IN TIME?

11.       Q:          Explain “speed” in the sense used above.
            A:          
SPEED IS A METAPHOR FOR [THE] USE OF ENERGY TO TRAVEL

                                      FROM PORT TO PORT
                          IT MEANS [THE] USE OF E TO REACH


                                      “Use of E” I record here with the bold font.  With difficulty I am

                          trying here to use bold when the vowel refers to either the spot on the  

                          board or the person to whom the spot refers.  Here “E” means “energy,” 

                          but it may mean the person E as well.  That is, perhaps I needed to use an

                          E (Blake, for example), just as I ([Albion]) must “use” [Scribe].

12.       Q:          We can only guess:  A fall probably depends on all four factors mentioned

                          (though not necessarily in equal degree).
            A:         
 IT DOES
                          A FLIGHT MAY BE INTERRUPTED BY MANY MISHAPS

                                      We recognized Don’s attempt at humor here—[Scribe]’s plane flight

                          having been interrupted—but we were not laughing much during this sad

                          discussion.


Blake’s Friend

13.       Q:          So we learned today.  Help us to understand the nature of this mishap.
            A:         
 BLAKE HAD A FRIEND THAT STOOD TO HIM ROUGHLY AS

                                      U DOES  TO E

                                      That is, I was the albion contemporary of Blake the Scribe, as

                          [Albion] is the current albion & contemporary of [Scribe] the Scribe.   

                          Apparently such a conjunction is not rare and, I assume, includes an  

                          element of necessity.  

14.       Q:          Was the friend an Albion?
            A:          
[YES]   & IN PART GAVE BLAKE [THE] IDEA OF ALBION   AS

                                      INDEED  SEVERAL U DID            [sic]

    
                                  I am amused to note that I gave my body.
                                      I include [Scribe]’s “[
sic]” here, for indeed there appears to be

                          something missing—either the preposition “of” or some plural form of

                          Albion.  And yet I recall that by this, our last night, our reception difficulties

                          (which, for example, modestly plagued our night with Josef) had entirely

                          disappeared.  The evidence for this is clear:  the session contains but a  

                          single fragmentary response; all other responses are complete and most  

                          are error-free.  Thus, I consider Don’s response more carefully and   

                          speculate that perhaps U in its unifying aspect includes both singular and

                          plural forms.  We do know, from Albion himself, that “albions” is a correct

                          plural; but U may be its own plural.
                                      Recall, an Albion’s U describes his life’s path.


15.        Q:         Here, perhaps, the total U-graph was not enacted.
             A:         
RECALL   DIVE BEFORE ASCENT  AS A MODE OF INITATING

                                      FLIGHT?                       [sic]

                                      Oops!  Here’s a [sic] we didn’t catch at the time.  For the record,

                          not all transcribed errors are “sins of transmission.”  [Scribe] can only write

                          so fast; and close study—by Jane someday—will reveal numerous typing

                          mistakes by me.  All of us, however, pursue accuracy of the letter as our

                          primary concern; we do not “correct” as we go.

16.       Q:          A potent dream-image of [
Albion]’s.
            A:         
 NOW IMAGINE A KIND OF ATTACHMENT TO THIS MODE ALMOST

                                      A PRIDE IN ITS STYLE

                                      I don’t think this kind of pride is a problem I am susceptible to (I

                           have my own).  Nevertheless, I feel deeply that I understand it.  It’s a pride,

                           I believe, which stems from self-pity.  It’s hard (I know) to start on a high

                           and watch yourself fall.  And even though you know somewhere on a deep

                           level that this fall is contractual, necessary, consciously you doubt the

                           process:  You tell yourself that the U-shape is wishful thinking only, that

                           you’re deluded; the fall has no scheduled bottom; those childhood   

                           memories & promises of flight are absurd; you are mediocre.  You despair.

                           The question then arises:  To what degree do you despair?  What form does

                           your despair take?  In my case, I think, I did nothing rash:  I just shut down

                           and have had a very hard time reinitiating my psychic energies.  I have no

                           idea how much of my shut-down I could have eased or avoided. In I’s case

                           the despair may have turned to a kind of cockiness, especially, I think, if

                           one consciously has both stronger insights and a louder cricket. “If I have

                           to fall,” I hear him say, “let’s go for it.”  Thus, the “speed” is accelerated in

                           the absence of wisdom.  There is also clearly a miscalculation, one I have

                           had to overcome, one I hear echoed in Jane’s words, “It is no good

                           pretending that the task is foreordained.”  (Cf. 1995 S.31)
                                       In my empathy for I’s fall, I reflected on my old U-shaped dreams

                           of flight.  I suddenly realized these occurred when I lived in Spain—at age

                           eleven!

17.       Q:           [Albion] notes that his dreams (of U-shaped flight) “came to a head” in

                           Spain when he was eleven years old [precisely the age when he entered  

                           the karass].
            A:           
[YES]   II   ALBION IS OFFERED A CHOICE - FOLLOW?

                                     “II” does not seem to be an error; for one, it looks like the number

                           “11.”  This makes sense:  Since one must choose to enter one’s karass

                           within life, there has to be a point in life & prior to choosing when one is

                           presented with the options.  Choice in a vacuum of information is no choice

                           at all.
                                       [
Scribe] suddenly recalled what we’d been joking about for several

                          days:  our very first session (with Gudrun) had included the “suicidal”

                          response “I KILDD I.”

Falling, Diving, Freedom

18.       Q:          This was a joke (for us) from session 1.  But—in some sense—

                          “I KILLED I."
            A:          
[YES]   I’S CHOICE TO DIVE    IF NOT TO FALL

19.       Q:          What was intended as a U became an I simply.
            A:          
[YES]   & THAT IS WHY YOU PUT HIM THERE ON YOUR BOARD 

                                      AS A WARNING

20.       Q:          Does [
I’s fall] have the same relevance for E as for U?
            A:         
 [THE] SCRIBE COMMEMORATES A LOST FRIEND    BUT HIS

                                      WARNINGS TO HIMSELF ARE ENCODED ELSEWHERE

                                      On the board presumably.

21.       Q:          Did Albion intend [
Albion] to see the warning only after he had passed the

                          nadir of U?
            A:          
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN [NO] HELP EARLIER - 
                          SO LITTLE HELP IF ONE IS DIVING


22.       Q:          Did I really just choose to leave the karass?
            A:         
 [YES] & [NO]  

                          AFTER A CERTAIN POINT CHOICE IS FORFEITED –
                          DE Q ON OPIUM


                                      Don refers to one of his ([
Don]’s) favorite fallen flyers, Thomas

                          DeQuincey.

23.       Q:          A wild guess:  is [
&] the warning symbol for E?
            A:         
 I  AM NOT YET ALLOWED TO TELL

                                      My wild guess shown here in Trebuchet font does not reflect the

                          reasoning behind my intuition:  On our board the ampersand symbol looks

                          much more like an inward curving, even introspective letter “E” than does

                          the standard font ampersand.  Recall that E is [Scribe]’s ideal configuration,

                          particularly with respect to the horizontal bar alignment.  Our ampersand is

                          lined up not on our letter A, but upon itself.  (And for the record, although

                          I constructed the final draft of our ouija board, I used not only [Scribe]’s

                          letter arrangement, but his personalized calligraphy as well; the ampersand

                          is entirely his.)

24.       Q:          How did I’s fall affect William Blake?
            A:          
IT IS RETOLD OVER & OVER   IN INCREASING COMPLICATED

                                      VERSIONS IN [THE] BOOKS OF PROPHECY        [sic]
                          PLEASE CONSULT THEM IF YOU WISH

                                      Grammatically speaking, [Scribe] was, of course, correct to include

                          the [sic] here.  On the other hand, I’m not sure Don didn’t intend some

                          ambiguity.  Not only would the prophetic books be “increasingly  

                          complicated,” but they would increase in perhaps both length and number. 

                          This latter interpretation, albeit a stretch, speaks more to our actual question:

                          “affect” asks after a change in Blake’s personal character more than it wants

                          to know about his artistic motivation.  
                                      “Complicated”, by the way, alludes to the last paragraph of [
Y.], 

                          where Blake is perceived by the narrator to be more “complicated” than   

                          “complex.…”

25.       Q:          We’re prepared to take that on faith.
            A:          
BLAKE’S THORN IS NOT LEAST IN HIS OWN SIDE

26.       Q:          We guess:  Our higher selves inscribed I’s loss prominently on the board

                          because a) it stands for the type of loss, and b) it is metaphorically  

                          documented in Blake.
            A:         
 I AS AN ABYSS   & NOT ASSIGNED COLOUR BY BLAKE [YES]   

                                      The latter statement remains unclear to me.
                                      We turned now to the meaning of this loss in the context of the

                          karass.  Obviously if Scribes and Albions arise together, they must in some

                          way need each other, where, we see above, the loss of one affects the other.

                          But so must it ripple throughout the Net.  And beyond this, there is a

                          temporal issue, one I’m not sure we mortals can fully comprehend: For

                          instance, I’m an Albion right now, despite my flaws & failings; I’m not yet

                          a flyer.  Nevertheless, even as a non-flying Albion I serve my role, at least

                          in part.  On some plane I’m already serving others in the Net.  To fail to

                          fly would mean to fail in my life’s task, but it would not negate whatever

                          tasks I have performed so far.

The Effects of a Tear

27.       Q:          What remedy is there for tears in the net?
            A:          
IT DEPENDS ON [THE] NATURE OF [THE] TEAR   

                          BUT OUR REPAIRS ARE NOT LIKE YOURS
                          WE CANNOT SIMPLY ELECT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A MISSING ROLE

28.       Q:          So the line of Albions can be broken at some point, as Josef suggested

                          years ago.
            A:          
EXACTLY   & ALL MUST WAIT FOR [THE] NEXT TO ARISE
                          [THE]RE ARE ALSO HISTORICAL MOMENTS WITHOUT SCRIBES

29.       Q:          In what sense do members wait (since they must have access to, say, figures

                          of Albion outside of time)?
            A:          
BY THAT ARGUMENT THERE IS NO NEED FOR ANY LIVING

                                      MEMBER AT ALL

                                      Exactly the point.  Why do we submit to this exercise in darkness— 

                           life—if not for…?

30.       Q:          Yet if a k-member falls, the flight of the remaining members must in some

                          degree be impaired.
            A:         
 NOT AS INDIVIDUALS     BUT AS A NET [YES]   
                          OTHERWISE LOSS WOULD BE AN ILLUSION

31.       Q:          Before given members attain flight, is the flight of the other members

                          impaired?
            A:         
 [NO]   BECAUSE [THE] IDEA OF GROWTH THROUGH…
32.                                        
                                                                                TIME IS

                                      INCLUDED IN [THE] VERY IDEA OF NET
                          TIMELINESS IS OUR ESSENCE


                                      This may again be beyond us.  Another point:  If loss is, to some   

                          degree, irreparable and if loss is also, in places, inevitable, then isn’t total

                          loss equally inevitable?  This is certainly true if we fail to grow faster than

                          our losses; yet this whole argument presupposes growth & loss in time,  

                          linear time, which we know is a false assumption.
                                      I brought in a favorite subject.

33.       Q:         Is error as necessary to the net as mutation is to a biological lineage?

            A:         
WHAT IS NECESSARY TO BOTH IS WHAT WE MAY CALL CHANCE

                                      RANDOMNESS  IF YOU WILL

34.       Q:          Free will?
            A:          
IN [THE] CASE OF [THE] NET   [YES]   
                          YOU DID [NO]T EXPECT TO BE FREE FROM IT SURELY?


                                      Don, keeping the conversation from melancholy.
                                      Randomness, free will, eternity:  these are fundamental elements of

                          the universe, issues no mind or model (science) can ever fully contain.

35.       Q:          We are tired, Don.  What else have you to tell us on this unplanned evening?
            A:        
 IT WAS JUST A MOMENT TO REMIND YOU OF SOME OF [THE]

                                      RULES IN OUR GAME

36.       Q:          This topic might have been too sad to occupy a planned session.
            A:          
BUT YOU BOTH NEED NOT TO PLAN    

                          IT SEEMS TO TAKE YOU FURTHER


                          REACH HOME SAFELY     GOOD NIGHT

                          DON   [YES]   
                          & [
Guide]

    
                                  Don ends by quoting Jane (Cf. 1995, S.25).  


                                      I don’t think [
Scribe] and I processed or debriefed much after this

                          session.  I had to wake early for my WEALA conference.  Thus we said our

                          good-byes (again), and [my wife] drove [Scribe] to Seatac the next day. 

                          [Scribe] did all this session’s subtitling.

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​The Table of Contents below is too long to display fully. If you click to the right of these Lessons, you'll see the primary source documents displayed under each. These original sessions are a world treasure.