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albionspeak 2: the gates of dis (10.1)
SESSION 57: 1ST NIGHT, 9/18/99
[Editor’s note, September 2021: The 1999 sessions are unique among Scribe’s & my transcripts, because there’s almost no contemporaneous commentary from me after the first night. Notice the date: It’s already fall; school’s in session. Our ouija sessions came late because my family spent the entire summer in Europe (Italy, Slovenia, Austria, & Germany), and we’d returned home just in time for the first faculty meetings in late August. Even so, I probably could have managed the commentary task, beyond all the typing I did do—as I managed in 2002 & 2005 under similar circumstances—but I was also at this time spending every free moment painting my Assisi staircase, followed immediately thereafter by a full-immersion study & prep for Riomaggiore, my Nine Men diptych magnum opus. Thus the only commentary I inserted, when I typed up these sessions in October, was the barest minimum. Consider, it was important for me to type up the transcripts quickly, first to document while memories remained fresh, but also so Scribe could get his own transcript copy, which I’d print & then mail him. (Prior to the internet, phone & snail-mail were our only means of communication, but even much later I don’t believe Scribe ever owned a computer or cell phone—we never emailed.) Scribe & I agree, while the raw dialogues alone remain central & amazing, my commentary does help tie them together.]
Our invocation: Virgil’s Aeneid, Book V, The Serpent Portent; translated by
[Scribe].
9:13 PM
1. Q: [Guide], are you there?
A: I AM ALL EYES
Referring to the lotus flower background of my mandala standing for
his port, [Guide] once told us each petal’s arabesque droplet was an eye—
meaning, daimones are many-minded.
2. Q: We are all ears.
A: IT IS ALL TO [THE] GOOD
MUCH TO TELL YOU
3. Q: How do we begin?
A: LAKESIDE AS ALWAYS
4. Q: We are in our grotto.
A: AS BEFORE -
NOW TAKE A MOMENT AND GROW CALMER
Our standard setting now. Over the last few years our ritual has
included a visualization exercise to open each session, each image then
serving as a point of departure or session metaphor.
5. Q: Is there a seeing exercise?
A: IT IS EASY -
SEE A TRIANGLE OR TRIPODS POINTS
6. Q: Three stars in the deep lake?
A: [YES] - IT IS [THE] THREE SPEAKERS YOU WILL SEE
7. Q: As we see them, the planchette will move?
A: EXACTLY - BEGIN NOW
9:35 PM
8. Q: We are doing so.
A: AMITY AMONG US
ANAND & JANE
Our contacts. I think [Scribe] & I both knew that this introductory
session would include no other speakers.
Jane to Albion
Serious, not Solemn
9. Q: Jane, we’ve missed you. What face now?
A: I AM WEARING AN INTENT FACE BUT NOT A SOLEMN
EXPRESSION
Last time Jane wore a solemn expression. She was not happy with my
progress and needed to remind me painfully that I’m in danger of falling.
10. Q: Are we less solemn now?
A: STILL SERIOUS BUT A LITTLE LIGHTER
I AM [NO]T A TEACHER ONLY
11. Q: What else are you?
A: A FRIEND EMPOWERED TO LISTEN TO YOUR ACCOUNT OF
WHAT YOU’VE DONE
12. Q: Is it the “ma’at report?”
A: I DO NOT NEED TO HEAR YOUR STEPS
Jane has in the past elicited status reports from us, which she termed
“ma’at reports,” and these entailed generally an enumeration of our completed
steps.
13. Q: What would you like to hear?
A: ALBION I ASK YOU TO TELL ME OF FEAR
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED?
I felt suddenly unprepared; yet I had made some progress, I felt, in part
because I’d done what I could to overcome the paralysis of fear.
14. Q ([Albion]): That as far as my immediate task is concerned, I must proceed
regardless of fear (which, like dread, is not as bad as I envisioned).
A: I AM NOT SATISFIED WITH THIS ANSWER
15. Q ([Albion]): I’ve made an effort to fight through what you’ve called the
symptoms of fear (fatigue, etc.).
A: EFFORT IS NOT INTENT
INTENT DOES NOT TRY IT MAKES REAL
I felt frustrated. I well understood the difference between effort and
intent, as I knew that my efforts did not match my intent. But I believed
also that my effort was at least a demonstration of intent, that good effort
is better than no effort. Still I, the cricket—that discursive whiner and
impediment to my true serpent self—felt like I was not getting any credit
for the progress I had clearly made. More importantly, I could not for the
life of me see where fear fit into this puzzle. To me fear was delusional,
something to disregard. Clearly I was (and am still) missing something.
The Cricket Fears
16. Q ([Albion]): But my intent is more active.
A: I AGREE BUT I THINK YOUR CRICKET IS ALSO MORE
ACTIVE AS WELL
17. Q ([Albion]): Do both the cricket and the serpent feel fear?
A: EACH IS AWARE OF [THE] SAME SHADOWS BUT ACTS
DIFFERENTLY
18. Q ([Albion]): When the serpent swallows the cricket, does the cricket die?
A: IT DOES NOT BUT IT IS KNOWN FOR WHAT IT IS
A SOURCE OF ENDLESS DELAYS AND EXCUSE
19. Q ([Scribe]): But the cricket fears that it will die?
A: EXACTLY & [THE] MORE IT FEARS [THE] MORE IT CHIRPS
20. Q ([Scribe]): [Albion] just said that he is afraid his cricket can’t feel fear.
Comment?
A: IT DOES FEEL FEAR ALL [THE] TIME
ONLY YOU HAVE NO ACCESS TO [THE] EMOTION ONLY
[THE] RESULT
I don’t understand what it means to feel an emotion without having
access to it—just as at our last ma’at report I could not see how fatigue
could be recognized as a symptom of fear (rather than fatigue itself).
If fear is something the cricket feels and, as a result of fear, it chirps
and distracts more vehemently, then I need better ways to shut it up.
Recently I had begun, largely as a mental discipline, the task of memorizing
[at least 76] of Shakespeare’s sonnets. Since recalling a sonnet requires
mental focus, I’ve found the act of recalling useful in quelling all sorts of
thoughts I don’t like having, generally those fantasies or memories I am
revisiting for the thousandth time. After the Borges story, I call this task my
Shakespeare’s Memory task, and, as of 11/7/99 I have learned 29 so far.
Not Words Exclusively
21. Q ([Albion]): I am hoping my Shakespeare’s Memory task is a means to silence
the cricket.
A: IT CAN BE - BUT SO IS ALL -
EACH TASK WE GAVE YOU
TREES…
22. [censored]
[THE] VISUALIZATIONS
EACH HAD ONLY ONE END IN SIGHT
A list of tasks assigned to me, some to [Scribe] as well, from the
board. Then again, all of [Scribe]’s Nine Men and most of my own thus far
have been writing tasks. Recently, after beginning my Assisi painting, I had
come to suspect that writing was an activity where I opened myself up to too
much editing—over-editing. The cricket is one’s worst critic.
23. Q ([Albion]): Writing helps feed the cricket?
A: I DO NOT WANT YOU TO FOCUS EXCLUSIVELY ON WORDS -
IT IS TOO EASY FOR YOU TO MAKE [THE]M ALL IMPORTANT
24. Q ([Albion]): Is fear still delaying me?
A: DELAY IS FEAR OTHERWISE WHY DELAY?
25. Q ([Albion]): Jane, I feel I’ve done what I can to go forward (and I have reasons
to believe I’ve moved a little).
A: I ACCEPT THIS BUT ADD THAT IF YOU LISTEN CAREFULLY
YOU’LL HEAR SOME CHIRPING IN YOUR STATEMENT OF…
26. …EFFORT & REASONING
27. Q ([Albion]): Thank you, Jane. Is this all for my ma’at report?
A: IT IS - KEEP GOING
Anand with the Scribe
28. Q ([Scribe]): Anand, I turn to you for my report.
A: I AM READY TO HEAR IT NOW
29. Q ([Scribe]): It is in two parts.
A: FIRST [THE] STEPS
Remember to Enjoy
30. Q ([Scribe]): I have completed all the steps. [that is, all Nine Men, 81 poems]
A: I ACCEPT THIS
I WANT YOU TO TA…
31. I WANT YOU TO TAKE SOME ENJOYMENT FROM
ACCOMPLISHMENT
[Scribe] hesitated a moment before deciding the most direct course.
32. Q ([Scribe]): I am now a flyer.
A: IT SHOULD DELIGHT YOU
AS WELL AS MAKING YOU FEEL ITS WEIGHT
33. Q ([Scribe]): I am going to remember that you said so.
A: REMEMBER LIGHTNESS AS YOU FLY
I remember my own passivity during these exchanges. [Scribe]
had the advantage of seeing the message as it formed, while I had to wait
until the end. More than this, however, [Scribe] knew exactly what he was
doing and needed no input from me. So just as I absorbed Anand’s response,
[Scribe] was already asking the next question. It seemed a new kind of
exchange, one on a higher level which I could only witness.
[Scribe] next turned to his assignment from Jane, his koan:
Whom and What to Value
34. Q ([Scribe]): The second part involves the question “Whom do you value most?”
A: WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED SCRIBE?
35. Q ([Scribe]): On the question of whom, my dream (Gates of Dis) helps me
summarize my answer.
A: GO AHEAD
[A dream synopsis: ]Briefly, [Scribe] crosses the threshold of Dis,
and three other figures have roles: a friend who stays behind, one who comes
along, and a guardian of the gate (a.k.a. the guide).[These figures each took
the form of a different waking friend (none as me).]
36. Q ([Scribe]): First, the person whom I have taught, but must say farewell to (the
D. figure in the dream).
A: AND THEN?
37. Q ([Scribe]): Second, the person who comes along on the journey (the S.
figure, [the Shaman]).
A: I ALLOW THIS AS WELL - & THEN?
38. Q ([Scribe]): Third: The guide or teacher (who might be any of you).
A: IT COULD BE ANYONE EVEN ANAND
39. Q ([Scribe]): Dis should teach one immersion.
A: IMMERSION DOES NOT END AT [THE] GATES
40. Q ([Scribe]): I believe that whom also leads to what.
A: AND HOW DO YOU ANSWER?
41. Q ([Scribe]): The journey itself must have value.
A: OTHERWISE [THE] COMPANION AND GUIDE ARE DEPRIVED OF
THEIR ROLE
42. Q ([Scribe]): Finally, the journey must be undertaken in the name of what you &
I value most.
A: [THE] JEWEL IN [THE] NET?
43. Q ([Scribe]): Yes, and the Good that the Jewel serves.
A: IT SEEMS YOU HAVE NOT BEEN IDLE
I was most impressed: Anand had not even provided any hints. Nor,
should I say, did I possess any foreknowledge of [Scribe]’s assessment. I
had heard his dream, yes, and I knew his koan; but the koan was a year old,
and the dream was but a few weeks (days?). A lot must have coalesced in
[Scribe]’s mind in a short time.
44. Q ([Scribe]): Anand, I still have observations & questions: about Dis, about
flying.
A: IT SHALL BE IN [THE] THEMES OF [THE] NIGHTS TO COME
45. Q ([Scribe]): Is there something that you or Jane or [Guide] would like to tell
us in preparation?
A: JANE §
46. Q ([Scribe]): Go ahead please, Jane.
A: I WANT EACH OF YOU TO THINK ABOUT WHAT HE MOST
NEEDS TO ASK HIS OWN TEACHER
47. Q ([Scribe]): We are feeling tired, and at a loss for what to say next. Have you
suggestion, or is it time to close?
A: I SUGGEST AN INTERVAL IN WHICH YOU KEEP YOUR DEEP EYE
OPEN AS YOU REPOSE
[Guide]