4b Session 32
Images & Attributions (in order of appearance)
1. Banner: Rhiannon C. 2016
a) Jewel Mandala (2): D.C. Albion 1994
b) Jewel Ouija Board (2): D.C. Albion 1994
2. The Weighing of the Heart against the Feather (Egyptian papyrus) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ee/BD_Weighing_of_the_Heart.jpg/1280px-BD_Weighing_of_the_Heart.jpg
The Weighing of the Heart against the Feather: This is the defining moment for an Egyptian soul. If the feather (right) is no heavier than one's heart (left), one gains Heaven. Thoth the Scribe, with his ibis head stands to the right of the scale. Ma'at, the goddess of balance & righteousness is often seated in place of the feather. ("Ma'at" originally just meant "ostrich feather.")
The Table of Contents below is too long to display fully. If you click to the right of these Lessons,you'll see the primary source documents displayed under each. These original sessions are a world treasure.
albionspeak: a draught of language (5.1)
SESSION 32: 2ND NIGHT, 12/7/95
We slept late, until perhaps 11:00, although my sleep was interrupted several times as [my wife] and the kids got ready for "school." After titling the previous night’s subsections, [Scribe] and I alternated reading cantos from [Books III & IV of his first scribal book]. [Scribe] had brought dress-rehearsal drafts, and we read straight through. I think even [Scribe] was a little surprised by how easy it was. I was very surprised. After all, our first reading of [Book II] last summer had seemed like a monumental task, requiring literally days. I must have been quite exhausted then. This time the labor was more fun for me also since I was now quite familiar with the poem.
[My wife] returned from school just as we finished, and we took two cars to pick up the kids from daycare and take them to 5:00 PM reservations at a favorite Restaurant. Along with [Scribe]’s visit, it was [my wife]’s 37th birthday. I enjoyed my food, but ate too much, and Rhiannon’s fidgeting [age 3] raised my blood pressure. Take a big dinner along with a low-grade virus, late-night hours, and body gyrations, and poor [Scribe] had to suffer my embarrassing indigestion at the ouija board for hours. (Sorry!) Antacids and liquids were, alas, no help. [My wife] and the kids were off to bed at their normal time, about 8:30. [Scribe] and I were so tired from the wine we each lay down for brief naps around 8:45. We needed the rest, and napping was a good move.
Our second night: traditionally the night for big news. I felt quite certain that we would learn something very important, something I felt we had missed during the summer.
To open [Scribe] read Wallace Stevens’s “Re-statement of Romance.”
9:45 PM
Closing the Compasses
1. Q: [Guide], are you there?
A: I AM
2. Q: Are we still on the lake?
A: [YES] I AM LOOKING AT [THE] PAIR DEEP BELOW US
The pair of compasses, no doubt. [Scribe] and I were right
back where we’d left off. Intervening world time not only meant nothing
to our board friends, it meant little to [Scribe] and me once we’d sat
down. Our sessions have their own continuity.
3. Q: Should we look at them too?
A: WE ARE TO MAKE USE OF THEM IN TRAVEL
4. Q: How?
A: INTENT
INTENT
5. Q: Please go on.
A: IT INVOLVES BOTH –
ALBION IS TO FOLD
SCRIBE IS TO SEE
This was expected. Last summer, of course, this was our mode
of travel from port to port. But last summer we’d first embarked on our
ship not from the Grotto itself, but from the Gathering Port after first
travelling the Narrow Passage. We also returned the same way.
6. Q: Can we begin from the lake directly?
A: [YES] IT IS ITSELF A PORT
7. Q: Who is with us?
A: YOUR CONTACTS A & J
8. Q: Anand & Jane, we greet you.
A: IMAGINE US AS THE OTHER TWO CORNERZ OF YOUR TABLE –
ANAND
9. Q: Where are we going?
A: IT SHALL BE SHOWN ON ARRIVING
I like mysteries, which was all I felt this to be at the time.
It’s hard to imagine any practical necessity for keeping us in suspense
for but a few minutes, so I assumed the suspense was purely for our fun.
In retrospect, however, I consider it important that I was asked to fold
to an unknown distant port. My needle, the one that points me in the
right direction, not only knows how to go, but where I am going, even
if I haven’t got a clue. Yet, on further consideration, isn’t this what
we must be doing most of the time–at least at night when we sleep?
If so, what exactly is the role of the conscious mind in the process of
intent, and if it’s not entirely necessary, why is it exercised and
emphasized so in these recent lessons?
Instructions
10. Q: How do we begin?
A: ALBION
IMAGINE [THE] PLANCHETTE’S TRIANGLE AS [THE] COMPASSES
[THE]N INTEND [THE] TWIN POINTS INTO CONJUNCTION
Initially, I had difficulty picturing the task. I saw the compass
as two points (those which make a circle on paper) and the triangular
planchette as three points (its vertices). [Scribe] understood that the
compass was itself a two-dimensional depiction and that its fulcrum
would provide the third vertex.
11. Q: Close the compasses (stylus & leg meet)?
A: EXACTLY –
NOW ABOUT [THE] TIMING?
12. Q: Yes?
A: TAKE FOUR MINUTES
SCRIBE KEEP TIME
13. Q ([Albion]): Where should I be seeing the compasses?
A: IN [THE] WATER UNDER US ARE THREE STARZ AZ
VERTICES THAT OCCUPY [THE] SAME SPACE
AZ PLANCHETTE
SEE [THE] DEEP STAR
14. Q: What is the Scribe’s task?
A: I WILL ANSWER AFTER FOLDING –
JANE
15. Q: Should Albion be located within the magic kite circle or outside? Seated or
standing?
A: THERE IS NO NEED TO MOVE
LEAN FORWARD OVER [THE] MIRROR OF WATER [THE]N
INTEND THROUGH CLOSED EYE
This “closed eye” is clearly a pun, one which we could not
possibly have recognized at this point. Later we learn of another eye,
always referred to in the singular.
16. Q: And for the Scribe?
A: LOOK TOWARD US ONCE FOLDING IS OVER
17. Q: Any last instructions?
A: [YES] ALBION KEEP TIME FOR [THE] SCRIBE
FOUR MINUTES OF SHOWING
Instructions regarding timing and positioning all have their
root in prior folding instructions (cf. 95: 25.73; 26.50,55; 27.8). We
decided that I would fold for four minutes with [Scribe] keeping time.
Then [Scribe] would pass me his illuminated watch so that I could keep
time for him during his four minutes of visioning.
[Albion]: After months of trying unsuccessfully to visualize a circle –
only seeing pieces of it at any one time – I reached the ultimate in futility when I
couldn’t even hold the image of three stars continuously. For at least half of the
four minutes I struggled to no avail. I’d get a glimpse, and I’d squeeze or fold
the compass legs together. Finally I realized that my folding was working (I
could feel it) even when my visualizing was not. So I gave up trying to see
anything. Instead, I imagined closing my compasses/planchette/constellation
entirely without sight. How do you imagine a triangle without seeing it? I don’t
know, but I can do it.
[Scribe]: Very little to see. A dry, powdery dirt floor, strongly lit
by a shaft of sunlight coming down almost vertically. Nothing beyond this light
could be seen, but on either side were walls reaching up out of sight. They might
have been of sandstone or adobe, and were perfectly plain & sheer. They were so
close that they defined a narrow passage (or very steep gorge). Unlike the
narrow passage leading out of the grotto, however, this bare place entirely lacked
a dark, low, or claustrophobic feeling. It was steep, light and dry. It seemed a
patient place.
The Scribe’s & Albion’s Port
10:24 PM
18. Q: Did we succeed? If so, the lesson seems to be “don’t try to see anything.”
A: INTEND IN [THE] ABSENCE WE SAY
An important lesson. I felt this discovery – which we both
shared -- justified my months of failed efforts. It had taken me this
long to realize precisely how limited my capacity for visualization is.
19. Q: Where are we?
A: ON [THE] EARTH OF [THE] SCRIBE
UNDER [THE] SUN OF ALBION
20. Q: Are we then on both ports?
A: IN A MANNER OF SPEAK[ing]
A surprise. We never considered one could visit two ports at once.
21. Q: Who is with us?
A: ALL [THE] FLYERS
HERE [THE]Y MAY SPEAK FOR YOUR OTHER COLOURS
“Other colours” refers to the higher aspects of ourselves as
represented on my rainbow kite. Apparently, we assumed, Don, Vilansit,
& Josef would speak for Scribe and Albion, which was a slight
disappointment for me since I was hoping to talk to them directly.
22. Q: Vilansit, Don, Josef – we greet you.
A: HAIL ALIAH
The Pure Place of Absence
23. Q: Jane, please tell us about the Scribe’s vision.
A: IT IS LIKE [THE] POINT WHERE THE RAYS OF [THE] COMP…
24. …ASSES
HAVE JOIND
IT IS NOON ON [THE] EQUATOR OF YOUR EARTH
ALL IS STILL
25. Q ([Scribe]): Jane, I always imagined my Earth as a fertile place.
A: IN SPOTS BUT FERTILITY ALSO CAN BE AN OBSTACLE
TO RECEIVING
On some level [Scribe] certainly has always known this.
How else could he have written “Beginner’s Antarctica”?
“Why do I need to keep you there,…
…when you are so much space kept
lonely, apart--unbearable simplicity…”
26. Q ([Scribe]): Tell us about the walls.
A: IT IS A STRUCTURE OUR FORBEARZ MADE FOR PURE RECEIVNG
27. Q: Tell us more.
A: A MODEL OF [THE] PURE PLACE OF ABSENCE
28. Q: This corresponds then to your “idea of a holy place.”
A: IT DOES BECAUSE ONE TAKES AWAY A NEW LIGHTNESS -
DON
Leave it to Don to throw us a paradox in his first utterance.
He did, however, help us recall our conversation with [our guide]
regarding gravity (cf. 92: 12.2).
The Knotted Flyers
29. Q: One exchanges (to paraphrase [our guide]) mass for lightness?
A: ONE LEAVES ONE’S OBJECTS & TAKES AWAY [THE]
FORM OF [THE] SHRINE
During our drive from the airport the previous night, [Scribe]
and I had a long talk about Platonic forms, specifically how they are
ideals higher than their best representations: How the image of a
“perfect circle,” for example--even in the imagination--is, according to
Plato, still inferior to the abstract notion of a circle. Perhaps after our
failed efforts of trying to visualize, we were now ready to return to
this topic. How, during our folding exercise for example, did I imagine
a triangle without seeing one?
30. Q: The form is more ideal than the shrine itself?
A: IT IS AS IT WERE LIGHTER
A LEAVENING A LEVITY
I thought of [Scribe]’s experiments with his energy body while
dreaming. During lucid dreams [Scribe] is increasingly more comfortable
with diving through walls and passing effortlessly through solid objects.
31. Q: This is like the “energy body” that is lighter than one’s physical body?
A: IT IS -
WE SPEAK OF A PERSON WHO IS TOO HEAVY TO FLY
32. Q: We sometimes feel this way.
A: IT IS NOT AN ISSUE OF FEELING HOWEVER
33. Q: Do knots create heaviness?
A: INDEED
YET IT IS POSSIBLE TO FLY A KNOTTED KITE AS LONG AS [THE]
34. Q: Please finish.
A: YOU TELL ME
35. Q: Well, the rainbow kite is knotted: but the knots are small & near the
end. If there’s wind, these won’t prevent flight.
A: [YES] ALIAH IS [THE] WIND
36. Q: Are born flyers born without knots?
A: NOT AT ALL MANY ARE KNOTTED IN [THE] EXTREME
BUT FOR [THE]M [THE] WIND IS STRONGEST
We have long known that persons can untie knots and that,
therefore, one may control one’s degree of knottedness. If flying is a
function of wind and knottedness, then untying one’s knots certainly
seems more plausible than controlling the wind. This response,
however, causes me to rethink everything.
11:40 PM
The Invention of the Sequence
37. Q: Have you a topic for us?
A: [YES] IT INVOLVES [THE] SEQUENCE
This refers to the sequence of eight mandala members, along
with the Jewel itself, which has helped [Scribe] write his long poem --
each section being governed by the aura or character of one of the
members. [Scribe]’s sequence proceeds from what is easiest to the
most difficult and somehow follows its own structural æsthetic necessity.
My own sequence, we have been told, is as tight as [Scribe]’s, but
unfolds differently. Here’s [Scribe]’s again:
Anand, Jane, Albion, Don, [Guide], Scribe, Vilansit, Jewel, Josef
38. Q: Please go on.
A: IT WAS INVENTED AS A WAY OF MOVING THROUGH…
39. …TIME
WHILE STANDING OUTSIDE
I am fascinated by this response. Something in the sequence --
which means in its very structure -- is analogous to the structure of time
itself. That time has a structure at all is significant. (One might just as
easily say that time just is.) [Scribe] correctly pointed out that all
sequences by definition involve time, which is, of course, true. But not
all sequences point to a way outside of it, and this one therefore must
reflect it in its totality somehow. While we could not agree on the
structure of time, we immediately saw the significance of the sequence
as an invention, rather than a discovery.
[Here, I'll point out, is an instance where I was wrong, and,
significantly, so was Scribe. That is, not all sequences involve time. They
simply must follow a linear order. A spatial sequence, for example, is
easy to devise, one that arrives in time in random order or another that
involves no time at all. But more important, consider that space & time
are among our most elemental metaphors to illustrate something even
more elemental: attention. Some things are harder for us to think
than others. We tend to picture this as distance, but it's really a gap in
our minds, where some gaps are "bigger" (a comparison metaphor). If
outside of time these gaps are arranged as a sequence—which is the same
as saying aligned in space—then a great distance might be covered
incrementally. But I get ahead of myself…]
40. Q: Who invented it?
A: THE MASTERS
41. Q: Any member might be a master in some dimension.
A: EXACTLY - YOU HAVE A SAY
The higher Scribe and higher Albion, naturally.
42. Q: Can you tell us more?
A: [YES] ALBION MAY RECEIVE HIS HERE IF HE WISHES
I knew immediately this was the big news I’d been waiting
for, the news that had to come in December 1995 because it had not
come in June 1995. This was it. Nevertheless I was still surprised,
mostly because I felt unworthy.
43. Q ([Albion]): Yes, please, although I’m surprised to be granted such a boon.
A: [THE] SCRIBE IS BETTER AT SUCH DISCOVERY -
YOU NEED TO BE PUSHED IT SEEMS -
DON
This seemed the correct time for me to apologize, probably
the only thing I really had to do at our board this December. I had a
handful of prepared, important questions, yes; but I needed this. I
felt so lousy about not making a better attempt at seeing trees, about
my failure to intend dreams, about my general inattention and malaise,
etc. I felt like I’d let friends down, and I wanted them to hear it. I
was not, however, seeking forgiveness. In fact, I expected (and
probably desired) a stern reproach since I felt like I deserved one.
44. Q ([Albion]): Don, I’m sorry if I’m a difficult student.
A: AND I IN TURN WOULD ASK YOU NOT TO FAULT ME
IF [THE] PUSH BRINGS ABOUT A FALL
This is a reference to my dream Don Did It (7/16/95), because
of which I learned that the principle architect of my fall in Germany
had been Don -- aside from my own weaknesses and inabilities. At
the end of the dream I was livid at him, feeling like I’d been suckered,
then betrayed. Even upon waking I was burning mad, an emotion
that is otherwise alien to me. It took me half an hour of lying in bed
to quell my bitterness, perhaps another half-hour to rid my body of
the bad chemicals anger had released.
It didn’t take that much time, however, to accept the actions
of my teacher as benign & necessary. This does not absolve Don from
what he did; he is responsible for what he does. However, I appreciate
his efforts, especially since I must be a challenge for any teacher. As a
teacher myself, I fully recognize pushing idiots is often necessary, even
when pain is certain.
[Albion]’s Sequence
45. Q ([Albion]): [Don, I will blame you if you push me, but I won’t hold it
against you. I thank you for your teaching.] Now I’d like to know
my sequence.
A: STEP BY STEP PLEASE
WHO IS FIRST?
In our lesson on Vilansit’s Triangle last summer we were told
that Jane came first in my sequence (cf. 95: 27.48). I had speculated,
of course, on the order of the other members, using [Scribe]’s established
sequence as a mathematical model. I think the reason I did this was
just to see how wrong I would be, because I knew deeply my sequence
would have to follow a different path altogether.
46. Q: Jane. So you’ve already told us.
A: ADDRESS HER THEN
47. Q ([Albion]): Jane what does it mean to be my contact, first in my sequence?
A: IT MEANS THAT IN ANY STATE OR ANY LEVEL I CAN
STILL REACH YOU
I have comic fantasies of Jane breaking in on my thoughts
while I’m involved in various absurd & demanding tasks: in the middle
of a lecture, during a faculty meeting (perhaps a welcome event), during
sex, etc. “Jane to [Albion], come in please.” And what then? Do I, like
Clark Kent, rush for the nearest phone booth?
A Little Trick
48. Q: Jane, who’s next?
A: I WANT TO TEACH YOU A LITTLE TRICK MY TEACHER
TAUGHT ME
49. Q: Yes, please.
A: WRITE DOWN [THE] EIGHT NAMES ON SLIPS FIRST
For reasons I can’t explain a 1992 desk calendar sat upon our
study’s writing desk. I tore off January 1st through January 9th and,
after shuffling, wrote down each name in the sequence, including the
Jewel itself. That’s nine names, by the way, not eight. I did not know
which name went with which date on the calendar.
12:22 AM
50. Q: Please go on.
A: NOW GIVE THEM A MIXING A RANDOM SHUFFLE
51. Q: Jane, if I include both you and the Jewel, there are nine slips. Is your
name in or out of the shuffle?
A: OUT I AM KNOWN
The First Triad
52. Q: They are shuffled
A: NOW WITHOUT SEEING CHOOSE TWO NAME[s]
I kept the slips behind my back in an attempt to avoid noting
the different dates; and after choosing the first two names, I still did
not look at them. I was making every effort to keep the process honest.
53. Q ([Albion]): I have done so.
A: ONE OF THESE TWO IS YOUR NEXT - WHICH ONE?
54. Q ([Albion]): [Albion & Vilansit]
If I can choose, I’d choose Vilansit.
A: WHY?
VILANSIT §
It is important to note here that my speculations based on
[Scribe]’s own sequence actually did play a major role in what unfolds
here. Following [Scribe]’s model, I felt strongly, for example, that
Albion, Don, and the Jewel all had to come toward the end. What really
tickled me at the time was how Vilansit’s name was the one I just
couldn’t place. I had no idea where hers should go. She represents
a very senior voice and for [Scribe] the start of the final & most difficult
third. Yet according to my speculations, there really was no room for
her there at the end. Could that mean that such an awesome figure
could come much earlier? Apparently yes.
55. Q ([Albion]): First & foremost, because I feel it must be harder to know oneself.
But also, Vilansit, I feel that last spring we connected, at least on the
dream plane.
A: AND WAS IT NOT AS IF YOU HEARD ME SPEAKING?
Oh yes, how could I forget. When I spoke to my higher colours --
my “automatic writing” session -- the voice I heard most was one I
then identified as Vilansit’s.
56. Q ([Albion]): Yes indeed. What is next with your trick?
A: FIRST I WANT YOU TO NOTICE A PATTERN
WHEN YOU GO JUST ONE STEP OUT IT SEEMS TO BE I -
FOLLOW?
57. Q ([Albion]): That seems to be a big first step, Vilansit. We think we follow you.
A: GOOD -
PUT MY NAME NEXT TO JANE’S & RETURN [THE] O[THE]R SLIP
THEN DRAW TWO MORE
58. Q ([Albion]): [Josef & the Jewel]
I’d choose Josef.
A: WRITE YOUR REASON
At first glance a tough choice. Our two most awesome names,
the last two in [Scribe]’s sequence. Yet I found the choice to be at once
clear and easy. With Vilansit and Josef now located in the first third,
my sequence surely was nothing like [Scribe]’s.
59. Q ([Albion]): While Josef seems awesome to me, he is, nevertheless, a person.
The Jewel, however, seems more remote and, therefore, difficult to reach.
A: BUT AM I NOT ALSO AS A FATHER TO YOU?
JOSEF
Now I was sure of what I had long believed to be true. As
far back as I can remember, I have caught myself in quiet moments,
especially ones of desperation & longing, addressing a figure I simply
called “Father.” This has always unsettled me when I have observed
myself doing this. I knew I was not speaking with my biological dad,
and I felt the locution to be overly sentimental or (God forbid)
Biblically based. It was disturbing to see myself at my deepest level
stooping to this kind of pleading language. Nevertheless, I
acknowledged that this was and is me. I was eventually comforted
when I read that Carl Jung believed we all address our deepest voice
in this manner, but suspected his conclusion on grounds of -- if nothing
else -- gender bias. Why not “Mother”?
After Josef addressed us as his “sons” last summer
(cf. 95: 25.55), I consciously wondered if he were not the object of
my pleas.
60. Q ([Albion]): Yes, most certainly, Josef. I have found myself addressing
you long before I knew of your existence.
A: IT WAS AS IF YOU INTENDED TOWARD ME?
61. Q ([Albion]): So it seems. I can’t remember not knowing you.
A: WE ARE YOUR…
62. …FIRST TRIAD
AT TIMES WE MAY…
63. …SEEM ALMOST A FAMILY OR A CHORD
While writing his long poem, [Scribe] long ago noticed that
the sequence of nine was grouped into thirds, and between each third
existed a kind of gulf, especially before the final third. The word
“triad,” however, was entirely new to our vocabulary in this context.
64. Q ([Scribe]): In my experience, there is (often) a sort of barrier between
the first triad and the next.
A: IT IS A KIND OF AWARENESS
65. Q: Please explain.
A: SUDDENLY YOU ARE AWARE THAT YOU ARE BECOMING
OTHER - AS A TASK
66. Q: The barrier, we think, is oneself: one’s self-consciousness.
A: WELL SAID - BUT ONLY [THE] FIRST BARRIER IS THUS
67. Q: Do we now continue?
A: [YES] MAY YOU CHOOSE JUSTLY
The Second Triad, Thoth & the Jewel
68. Q ([Albion]): [Don & [our guide]]
I choose [our guide] because he is my working partner and, therefore,
couldn’t be too distant. My teacher, Don, however, seems to be someone
I might aspire toward.
A: I GREET YOU ON [THE] FAR SIDE OF [THE] WALL
I AM NEITHER EASY TO REACH NOR VERY FAR AWAY
Recall we were told that the mechanics of our boardwork is
based in part on the proximity of the medium ([Albion]) and his working
partner (cf. 95: 27.48).
1:14 AM
69. Q: How does the second triad differ from the first?
A: IT IS [THE] FIRST PLACE OF REAL STRANGENESS
EXAMPLE?
70. Q: Please.
A: FIRST IS HOME
SECOND IS SCHOOL
A clear & well-established analogy. [Scribe] and I assumed
the third triad must be vocation.
71. Q ([Albion]): Shall I repeat the procedure?
A: [YES] BE READY
72. Q ([Albion]): [Don & the Jewel]
I choose the Jewel as the fulcrum of the sequence. Again, I believe
Don is someone in the last triad.
A: IT IS FOR YOU A FIGURE OF CROSSING & JOINING – VILANSIT
I AM READING YOUR CHART
At first glance another difficult choice, but actually one I made
in an instant. I remember [Scribe]’s referring to the Jewel as a fulcrum
in his sequence, even though his sequence appears heavily loaded to
one side of it. Placing the Jewel in the exact center corresponded to
what I had recently learned of my own character, my need for balance.
Notice I placed Don firmly in the last triad, but also not so
firmly as the final member of the sequence. By this time I caught
myself hedging a bit, suspecting already what would come.
73. Q ([Albion]): Ma’at, balance, the harmony of structures & rules, all seem to
be important in my character. Is this reflected in the Jewel’s central
position?
A: THOTH WEIGHS YOUR HEART AGAINST A FEATHER
READ THIS IMAGE FOR ME
In general I knew the myth. If one’s heart is found to be heavier
than the feather, one enters something analogous to hell. But I had long
puzzled over the minutia of the other two possible results. [Scribe] was
of no help here. Based on Vilansit’s response below, however, I was
probably splitting hairs.
74. Q ([Albion]): Vilansit, I’m not clear about the myth itself. Is there a different
fate for one whose heart is lighter than the feather when compared to
one whose heart weighs the same as the feather?
A: IN MY READING [THE] HEART IS YOUR NATURE
75. [THE] FEATHER IS FLIGHT
THOTH IS [THE] CLEAR JUDGMENT OF [THE] JEWEL IN BETWEEN
76. Q: Is there more, or shall we proceed as before?
A: GO ON BUT FIRST A CLUE
77. Q: O.K.
A: YOUR QUESTION ABOUT [THE] JEWEL’S DESCENT
This was a surprise. We’d seen some of our prepared questions
anticipated before, but never requested outright. This question not only
appeared on the current prepared list, it had been on my previous two
or three lists without ever having been addressed.
78. Q: Why was it necessary for the Jewel to come to Earth? How would it be
different were it not here?
A: YOUR SEQUENCE WILL AID YOU IN ANSWERING THIS –
RECALL…
79. …[THE] [first albion] IS ALSO AN ALBION
A puzzle! I anticipate a lot of fun with this.
80. Q: More? Or shall we proceed?
A: DRAW AS BEFORE
81. Q ([Albion]): [Scribe & Don]
Don I still place toward the end. But more than that, I do see the Scribe
here providing a human face to balance [our guide] and the Jewel.
A: [YES] [THE] SCRIBE & I ARE YOUR PARTNERS IN
RECEIVING [THE] JEWEL
WE ARE YOUR SCHOOL
I think it’s important also to note here the significance of
[Scribe]’s influence on my intellectual development. If I had not known
[Scribe], I would certainly have continued my quest for academic
knowledge, but where? How? Who could steer me as [Scribe] has?
(Clearly, no one I know.) And since we tend to equate “school” with
intellectual training, [Scribe]’s contribution to my schooling cannot be
underestimated. I cannot now separate what I know – who I intellectually
am – from [Scribe]’s influence. (Thanks, [Scribe]. Since I feel forever
indebted, you must be doing a great job. And what is it I do for you?)
Based on this understanding, it seems somehow likely to me that [our
guide]’s curriculum is more connected to my mystical experiences.
Among other insights: [Our guide], lord of the drug trip.
82. Q: Is there something the Scribe might say to this?
A: JOSEF –
USE [THE] SCRIBE AS A PLACE TO CONTEMPLATE [THE]
BARRIER TO COME
83. Q: Scribe: tell us – through Josef – about the barrier.
A: ON THIS EARTH I REPRESENT THEM AS MOUNTAINS
ALL THAT IS BEYOND IS A HIGH PLACE
84. Q: The barrier is plural?
A: [NO] THERE IS NO SEPARATE BARRIER
THE FINAL TRIAD – THE MOUNTAINS – IS ITSELF [THE] BARRIER
FOL[low]
Recall, “Albion” means “high place.” And Albion is yet to come.
We were told a moment earlier that the barrier between the first two
triads was oneself, but, significantly, the second barrier was of a different
nature. I confess that I’m still quite unclear about this.
On another note, we have the Scribe, through Josef, who is,
nevertheless, speaking in the first person – that is, Josef is acting as a
direct interpreter. Why? What are the mechanics? What necessity?
85. Q: Anything more before we go on?
A: DON HERE –
DRAW ONCE MORE
I want to point out here that even as we were speaking with the
Scribe, I knew with near-certainty the rest of the sequence: Anand,
Don, Albion. I even mentally calculated the chances of this not
materializing – that is only by not drawing Anand next (1/3). I wasn’t
about to say anything, however. Let the experience unfold.
The Third Triad, A Bargain Fulfilled
86. Q ([Albion]): [Anand & Albion]
I choose Anand, who has long seemed an alien presence to me – but
not as alien as myself.
A: ANAND –
DOES THIS HELP YOU TO UNDERSTAND OUR BARGAIN AS
A KIND OF FABLE?
87. Q ([Albion]): Frankly, no.
A: I WAS TO MAKE YOU READY FOR ARRIVAL
[THE] SOURCE OF MY RIVER LIES AMONG [THE] MOUNTAINS
The terms of the bargain: Anand helped me get started with
my interest in arrival, while I give him some of whatever it is I do best.
The problems is, what is my strength? I have long aspired, in fact, to
be well-balanced, good at many things (which is the good side of not
being exceptional at any one thing). Last summer I thought I would
fulfill my bargain with Anand, but the issue never really arose, and, in
the final analysis, I just wasn’t ready. I tried asking for advice on the
subject – including some end-arounds at discovering how higher
Albions have helped others. But it was soon clear I wouldn’t get any
input from the others on this decision. To influence me here would
violate our sacred principle of free will.
Based on Anand’s and Albion’s relative positions in the now-
revealed sequence, I thought maybe I would have to visit Anand before
finding myself, that I would have to arrive or become a flyer before
finally seeing my greatest asset.
88. Q ([Albion]): Does this mean I won’t fulfill my bargain – i.e. know what
I’m best at - until I’m flying?
A: ARE YOU SEEKING A WAY OUT OF [THE] BARGAIN?
89. Q ([Albion]): Heavens no! What gave you that idea?
A: YOU SEEM TO BE OFFERING…
90. …AN EXCUSE
I CANNOT FLY THEREFORE I CANNOT TELL
We took a long break. [Scribe] ate a full sandwich while I gave
my upset stomach a rest and talked out my dilemma.
A good reader will see over the last 1 ½ years how I’ve been
building to a certain understanding of myself. Even in tonight’s Q#73
one can see how I’ve been testing the waters with a certain self-image.
There is no question that I am good at games & rules & structures &
balance, and that these are all somehow linked in the abstract. It has
also become clear, especially in my failed efforts to visualize even the
simplest things, how I really do live in the abstract. I suspected this
was my strength, but how could I know for sure?
Then, while [Scribe] finished eating, I connected this dilemma
with another giant decision I faced earlier in life: should I marry
[my wife]? I remembered pondering this question for about six months,
unable to answer with certainty as long as I considered marriage in
terms of “living with someone for the rest of my life.” How could I
ever know for sure? Then an insight gave me a different angle from
which I could consider the issue, the indirect proof.
Suddenly everything was clear: while I could never know if
I could live with [my wife] forever, I knew that I could not live
without her. Q.E.D.
And now a similar decision – thrust on me by Anand, who
knew full well that I would never try to get out of my bargain, that
my sense of fairness (which is another form of balance) would prompt
me to action. This prompt I understood. But how could I know if
games/balance/etc. were my strength? Again, I could never be sure,
but, I suddenly realized, I could not imagine myself not shining in
this area, this facet. I voiced my decision to [Scribe], and we returned.
91. Q ([Albion]): Anand, you are correct to chide me. So now I am prepared to
voice my end of the bargain with you. My only concern is linguistic.
A: WE ARE ALL WITNESSES
DO YOUR BEST TO SAY WHAT YOUR STRENGTH IS
92. Q ([Albion]): A list of synonyms to represent a single talent? A talent for
balancing structures and principles and rules; games & ma’at.
[Aloud I add a few items, including Herman Hesse’s Magister Ludi.]
A: I ANAND ACCEPT THIS
LET ME BE LESS ALIEN TO YOU HENCEFORTH & A
SOURCE OF STRENGTH TO YOU IN YOUR PATH
I felt great, completely fulfilled. Anything more would be pure
gravy for me.
I think it’s important to note a curious fact here. I mention above
how it was Anand who brought up the issue of our bargain. The bargain
had been a major concern for me in the months leading up to June’s
sessions, but not this time around. I seem to have simply forgotten about
it altogether. I cannot explain it. It’s entirely out of character, and I
must believe that something or someone caused me to put the issue aside.
93. Q: Anand, shall we proceed.
A: [YES] STATE YOUR CHOICE
With only two slips left, Don & Albion, there was no point in
drawing.
94. Q ([Albion]): Don, you come next. My teacher is an aspiration who leads
me up to the point of myself.
A: I AM GLAD THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I AM [NO]T LAST
WHAT DO I PUSH YOU TOWARD IF NOT…
95. Q: Please continue.
A: YOU FINISH OR BETTER YET LET ALBION SPEAK
Albion
96. Q: Albion, we greet you.
A: HE MAY SPEAK DIRECTLY IF YOU CHOOSE –
DON
Oh really? Didn’t the Scribe…? Why couldn’t…? Oh well,
never mind. This almost seemed like a reward for having chosen well.
97. Q: Why not?
A: I STAND AT [THE] HEAD OF YOUR KITE IN [THE] SUN
BURNING IMPATIENT
WHY DO YOU NOT COME TO ME?
WE ARE ONE ANOTHERS JOY
[All sorts of comments highlighting personal allusions need
to be edited out here. One clear thing, however: Albion's voice is
not my voice. I do not sound like that.
[When we first met Albion (right here), I thought of "him"
largely as "everything above me" in the rainbow kite. That is, while
I knew the kite has many distinct colours, which are distinct voices,
I still viewed my whole soul kite more as a unity (which it is) than
as a multiplicity of voices (which it also is). Thus, at the time I didn't
question Albion's identity here. But years later, I do ask, Which Albion
is speaking? In the midterm (Ch. 3.6), the "correct" answer to the
overseer's placement in the kite is that he is "the next colour up," not
the whole kite, not the kite's head, as Albion claims here. The overseer
is our most immediate connection to the whole soul and, therefore,
the one best suited to teach us. But this Albion could well be a much
higher voice. I've had a number of brief encounters with higher colours.
The distance between us, in language and intensity, is noticeably greater.
And note, while it's rather awesome to meet such a higher voice,
consider why this is not the best voice/face to be your daily counsel.]
…And finally, a word on “patience.” Josef has told both
[Scribe] & me it is a virtue we both lack (as well as discipline). With
my far-sighted view of my life -- always looking to the distant future –
I have felt the burden of impatience and have learned something about
it. Now, after Albion’s first utterance at our board, it seems I may never
fully learn.
[Patience? I ask 21 years later, still scaling The Nine Men
pyramid, nose to the grindstone. Patience comes with the confidence
that what you're waiting for awaits you. Impatience only ends when
you forget what you're waiting for.]
98. Q ([Albion]): Albion, any comment on “our” bargain with Anand?
A: ANAND IS A PLACE ALSO
WE MADE [THE] BARGAIN WITH HIM SO AS TO MEET
99. Q ([Albion]): Albion, is there anything you’d now like to tell [Scribe]?
A: I AM [THE] PLACE WHERE YOUR BARE EARTH IS MADE GREEN
I HAVE SEEN YOUR HIDDEN EYE
[The next night—the third & final night of these rare, winter
sessions—would begin with Albion's first full lesson to us, on the
hidden eye, one of only a couple of lessons ever from my overseer at
the board. The higher Scribe, to compare, graced our board once or
twice only, and then very briefly. The reason we almost never spoke
with our overseers at the board is we were expected to connect with
them, on a much more profound basis, without the board—that is,
directly, whenever we want. It is no coincidence that Albion's first
chosen lesson (which thus signals an area of his mastery) is juxtaposed
with my own clearest deficit, visualizing. Nothing in vain…
[The session ended on a censorable note in the 100th response,
I believe the only time we reached the century mark, though we came
close on several other occasions.]
Hail aliah
§